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Search Engine Optimization

Ventajas del Posicionamiento Natural o Search Engine Optimization (SEO): Aumenta la Exposición de su sitio, Aumenta el tráfico, Relevancia y Conversiones en su sitio, Atrae mayor cantidad de visitantes, vuelve a su sitio Accesible y bien administrado termina siendo una estrategia de marketing a largo plazo. El Seo impulsa su negocio y aprende a promover su marca, productos o servicios y por ende lo ayuda a vender más. posicionar en google. El siguiente artículo brinda algunos consejos para conocer más sobre el posicionamiento SEO tomando en cuenta: código HTML, arquitectura del sitio, calidad de contenidos y estrategias de intercambio de enlaces relevantes.

Los buscadores electrónicos desarrollan sus bases de datos mediante las “visitas” que hacen a los sitios Web, con las máquinas de búsqueda (llamadas comúnmente arañas). Se pueden agregar los sitios de manera manual y directamente al buscador, sin embargo los mismos motores de búsqueda encontrarán tu sitio y lo indexarán dentro de sus bases de datos.

Una de las mayores confusiones, que yo he provocado en parte hasta hace poco, es que los responsables de SEO dicen: ‘el SEM es el pago por posicionarse, el SEO es el posicionamiento orgánico’. Es una definición habitual de los enlaces patrocinados, el SEM se aplica a todo por lo que se paga a los buscadores para aparecer destacado (arriba, muy arriba). Los lectores que ya estén calentitos con el comentario, que esperen un minuto a la explicación.

La mayoría de responsables SEO piensa que los que trabajan en SEM, perdón, en PPC no son grandes profesionales, porque con dinero es fácil conseguir visitas. No es ningún problema, la mayoría de profesionales del PPC (ahora sí lo dije bien) piensan que los SEOs son gente de poco fiar, ya que no pueden asegurar nunca en qué posición aparecerá un resultado. Y lo mejor de todo es que nos llevamos muy bien, pese a esto. También es cierto que los que piensan así, ambos, se equivocan totalmente (esa es mi opinión).

El SEO tiene que ver con los enlaces en la web. Los contenidos tienen enlaces, las redes sociales tienen enlaces, en Twitter hay enlaces, hasta los vídeos de YouTube tienen enlaces, pero ningún SEO tiene la más mínima gana de crear todo ese contenido. No por lo que cobran, eso seguro.

Un SEO debe hacer ciertas modificaciones y análisis de la página Web si realmente quiere alcanzar los puestos más altos. Estas modificaciones tienen que ser a nivel de contenidos, títulos, etiquetas, códigos y diseño entre otras, para que los buscadores consigan navegar fácilmente.

Estas técnicas han sido desempolvadas poco a poco por mismas personas relacionadas a estas empresas o webmasters a nivel mundial a través de técnicas de “ensayo y error”, aunque nunca se va a saber a ciencia cierta el orden de importante ni demás por el motivo que mencioné anteriormente.

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Después egresar es fome saber que tu carrera vale hongo, que no estás al día y que lo más cerca que podrás estar de un trabajo como la gente es viendo en TV como otros tienen éxito al tiempo que tú estás comiendo pan duro con margarina. Muchas personas me han dicho que lo mejor para encontrar un buen trabajo es hacer un curso de MBA, pero la verdad es que no tengo plata para un un posgrado, así que como gran cosa puedo buscar en internet unos manuales para descargar gratis y tratar de aprender algo útil por mi cuenta.

La U a la que voy es tan indigna, que el laboratorio de computación parece más el laboratorio biologico. No solamente porque está tan mugrosa que crecen hongos en las murallas y polvo en los teclados que parece vida inteligente, sino porque los equipos están tan atacados por de virus de todo tipo que llega a dar angustia. Hace unos dias metí mi pendrive, que incluso tiene un antivirus para pendrive, y se infectó igual, y perdí la info (menos mal que tenía un respaldo en el correo).

I decided it was time to do another funny cello lesson, so I racked my brain to try to come up with ideas that will help you young cellists out there achieve your goal of becoming an asshole just like me!  Stay tuned for more great videos.  I just finished recording my new song, “Gangster Cellist,” in the studio, and I am in the process of shooting the video for it.  The song is hilarious!!!!   Enjoy this cello lesson and let me know what you think.

 

Incompetence

Over the past couple of years I’ve become acutely aware of the fact that I lack a great deal of common know how.  I’ve always excelled at school, at one point in my life I could even do Vector Calculus, but when it comes to simple tasks such as folding my clothes without getting them wrinkled, I’m about as useful as a porn magazines for Stevie Wonder.

I simply lack skills that most people don’t even think twice about.  For example, yesterday I was bartending at my school for an art event.  I was provided with 4 bottles of wine from Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman (their daughter goes to my school and was presenting some of her artwork).  Now I had these four bottles of wine to open and honestly, I don’t remember the last time I’ve ever performed this task.  I don’t know the difference between Merlot or Savignon or Grape Juice.  I’m not cultured like that.  Give me a damn long island iced tea or a Blue Moon and let me cry myself to sleep after eating about 8 bowls of cereal.

Anyway…I had my faithful bartending friend, Calvin, thoroughly demonstrate how to open open a bottle of wine, TWICE.  He handed me the wine opener and there I went, smushing the corkscrew so ineptly into the cork it began to look like it had gone through a wood chipper.  After I had finally gotten the screw into the depth of the cork, I began pulling with all of my Jewish strength away from the bottle.  I looked like a guy who got his dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap.

My other friend, Jaoquin, who wasn’t even a bartender, noticed my shining retardation and pushed me aside.  He set the small curved metal apparatus of the wine opener on the bottle’s lip, then used LEVERAGE to simply slide the cork out, all of which required the strength and ingenuity of an 8 year old.  I looked at him sheepishly and thought to myself, “Wow, Bryan, great job!”

I then poured a glass of white wine for a customer which was filled little chunks of cork floating around in her drink.

But I don’t even think she noticed, so fuck it.

Last week I went to the Valencia Town Center, which is a local mall located near my school.  There’s nothing particularly special about this place, it’s a regular mall, complete with the mandatory Gap, Gap Kids, Gap Baby, Gap Fetus, etc.

I was walking around by myself and was completely tense and uncomfortable.  I looked at the gaudy window displays in “Forever 21,” the stupid flying toy helicopter kiosks, the overpriced slim fit jeans at Express, and all I could feel was anger for the mindless American consumerism that these malls exude.

Buy, buy, buy!  It’s more useless shit that you don’t need, but you feel like you have to have it in order to be cool and keep up appearances.  There’s nothing substantive about these stores in the mall.  It’s all about selling you matieral items to make you feel good about yourself.

Needless to say I was getting angry and feeling all high and mighty about having to walk around in this ‘godforsaken capitalist hell hole.’

“I can’t believe people really believe in this shit.  Boo boo bee boo.  Oh I’m so smart and above this.”  All that bullshit.

But why was I at this mall in the first place if I have such strict aversions to such establishments?

Earlier in the day during my acting class, I became a bit bored and began looking at my sneakers, the New Balance V74s, which are pretty much Converses with a New Balance logo.  When I bought them this summer with my friend, Tommy, he specifically instructed me, “Bryan you are going to have to clean those and keep those fresh, or else the women are going to think you’re a clown.”

So as I stared at my sneakers and thought of my friend’s advice, I suddenly became very intent on going to Foot Locker, buying some sneaker cleaner, and cleaning my New Balances.  It was my mission in order to appease these mythical woman who apparently care more about how my shoes look, rather than if I can talk to them for more than 3 minutes without saying the word, “faggot.”

I ended up at the mall to buy fucking shoe cleaner.  As I walked around bitching and moaning in my mind about American consumerism, I was there for the sole purpose of making my shoes look nice and shiny, with the hopes that their sparkliness would woo a nice half-black girl into my twin sized bed.  I was worse than American consumerism because I was fully aware that having scintillating shoes was not going to get me laid, it wasn’t going to do anything at all constructive for me.  Yet I really wanted to look at my sneakers in the mirror, ogle them, and say, “Wow, look how white the bottoms are!  I am so cool!”

I walked out of the mall after purchasing the shoe cleaner, perhaps one of the biggest hypocrites alive, but at the very least accepting the fact that I was such.  I spent the rest of the night spraying white foam on my shoes and scrubbing away dirt with the supplied brush, giving in to the fact that my moral convictions are weaker than a fresh pair of sneakers.

Story of my life.

 

 

 

I got a text message today from my mother that read, “R u sick? i saw your last tweet?”

Let me start with a little background information.  My mother knows that I am fucking crazy.  She lived with me for 18 years so she is well aware of the perversion, ridiculous humor, and self-deprecation that I am known for.  Nevertheless, I don’t need to reassure her every couple hours that I tweet, just how crazy her son is.

When she tried to friend me on Facebook, I not only rejected her, I told her to her face, “Mother, I’m sorry, I can’t be your friend on Facebook.  There is too much shit that I say that I don’t want you to see.”  I don’t need her to see me write, “I always feel awkward when I find myself sexually attracted to cartoon characters,” on my Twitter page.  That is not something a mother needs to know about a son.  She may have inklings that he may covet sexy black female cartoons, but she should never really be sure.

By the way, let’s all be honest here, I know I’m not the only one out there who would have sex with Princess Jasmine from “Aladdin.”

So I thought my problems were solved, my mother wasn’t my friend on Facebook, so she couldn’t see all the stupid shit I say.  Only today did I realize that I am absolutely retarded.  I no longer update my Facebook status, I only update my Twitter, which posts all my ‘twats’ (I mean tweets) onto Facebook and onto this blog.  I didn’t think to myself that, “wow, not only can she just look at my status updates on Twitter, I know she reads this blog, so she can just look at the sidebar where all my Twitter bullshit is recorded.”

That’s the problem with technology today, your mom can see who you really are.  But let’s forget about mom for a second.  Let’s say, hypothetically, that you reading this out there in cyberspace happen to be a comedian cellist.  Let’s say you happen to make videos with your shirt off explaining in detail how to act like a complete wiener while playing the cello?  Let’s say you are about to graduate college on May 2oth 2011, upon which you have to move back to the east coast and get a bunch of cello students to support yourself.  Let’s say those parents who recently hired you to teach their 11 year daughter how to play Bach, watch your video of your stand up comedy cello act where you talk about shaving your balls.  What do you do then?

You use it on stage and you pray to god that those parents have a sense of humor.

Today is Halloween, so I decided to do a Funny Cello Lessons video honoring the only holiday where normal god fearing Catholic girls get to dress like $15 dollar a pop blow job whores, and feel good about themselves while eating Snickers bars.  I was bartending this past Friday at the CalArts Halloween party, which is a humongous homoerotic ecstasy driven love fest and I was inspired to do a video in my get up.

My outfit?

A gay Mexican.

I dressed all in clothes from my gay friend Andrew, who weighs about half of what I do.  I had on a sombrero, a multicolred woman’s jacket, and short shorts so tight and small that not only could you see the outline of my dick and balls perfectly, but I’m pretty certain I’ll never be able to procreate after wearing those for 8 hours.  (This is not necessarily a bad thing).
Anyway, enjoy the video and learn some cello! 

African Dancing Like a Jew

Today was the second of two master classes I attended led by a Yoruban talking drum master and his wife.  In the first class, the drum master spoke for an hour about his life and how he became a drummer.  Of his lecture I understood about 4% of what he was actually saying because his accent was so thick I felt like I had peanut butter in my ears.  We were then schooled on how to play the patterns on each drum and were brought up in groups to try them out.  I was in one of the last groups to try the drums, so I had a chance to watch at least 10 groups do the same thing, and I still managed to fuck up a pattern that involved all of two hits.

This week was all about Yoruban dancing, which I was pretty excited about considering I was once received the glowing accolade, “wow, your moves are so corny!” from a girl I was dancing with in a New York City bar.  My skilled moves originate from my rigorous training as a Bar Mitzvah dance floor maven back when I was 12 and 13 years old.  If you had given me a couple of Shirley Temples back in the day, I would rock the shit out of Hava Nagila on the dance floor.

So I came prepared to dance my ass off today and that’s exactly what I did.  Within about five minutes of thrusting my hips backward, pushing my chest forward, and waving my arms in the air kind of like a chicken, I was dripping with sweat and ready to pass out.  Nevertheless, I persevered through my complete and utter lack of cardiovascular stamina and was glad I did, because I came upon my new favorite dance move.

The ‘put on your pants’ move.

The drum master’s wife explained many of the dance moves in terms of daily activities, like ‘plant the seed,’ ‘chop the tree,’ ‘beat your wife.’

Juuuusttt kidding.  This isn’t redneck line dancing, wives stay bruise free!

So my new favorite dance move, “put on your pants,” looks exactly like it sounds.  You keep your torso straight and mime putting on your fresh new pair of green Hammer pants.   I’m definitely taking “put on your pants” to the club and using it to dance with black girls.

“Hey, check this out!  Check out how cultured I am!  Please make out with me!”

I’m pretty certain this will work.

The drum master’s wife was a very cool lady and explained to us that the dance we were performing was about loving yourself.  She told us you have to love yourself no matter how much money you have, your social status, if you are Jewish, etc.

She’s obviously never been Jewish.

 

 

 

It just keeps getting better and better! Wasteland Party is taking San Jose by storm! Metro Newspaper calls us “the next big thing” and if you were at our last party, I couldn’t imagine it getting any much bigger! 500+ people covered in sweat, making out, getting down and acting crazy…it was pure sexy magic!
Don’t miss out on our next event OCT. 21st, 2010! We can’t wait!

SPECIAL GUEST DJs:

BULIMIATRON(LA)

This LA based DJ is taking the world by storm with his undeniably ground breaking remixes, in the nightclub circuit he is among todays greatest! Aka he’s gonna make you dance your way to a mental break down!!! His Face Book Activities include: DJing, Producing, Remixing, Smoking, Blazing, Drinking, Dancing, Partying…what more can a Wastelander ask for???
myspace.com/bulimiatron

MR. TYLER JACKSON

Monterey is not only internationally known for their aquatic museum but for hosting one of the most in demand, top notch DJs, Mr. Tyler Jackson!!! This guy has a musical talent that most DJs only try to emulate! Surely he will own the Wasteland dancefloor!
soundcloud.com/mr-tyler-jackson

GUEST PHOTOGRAPHER:
VLADIMIR TIKAY!

Vladimir, A San Jose Native, has always been influence by the Bay Area in all his amazing work, capturing the best moments, things and people that make up this metropolis; now it’s your turn to be forever displayed on his popular website thespacetraveler.com!!!

GUEST HOSTS:
DULCE ALEJANDRA

and SERGIO NUNEZ

If you’ve seen the movie Party Monsters, You haven’t seen shit. These two downtown kids are good at what they do, and what they do is PARTY! Dulce will dance until her heels break; and Sergio will probably be naked by the end of the night. Just how we like it! You just wait and see!

OUR RESIDENT DJs:
DJSTINKYLOVE

SHINES LIKE GOLD

AND Ft. LOCK UP YOUR SISTERS

RESIDENT PHOTOGRAPHER AND HOST:

ERIC BELLADONNA

METRO NEWSPAPER the Silicon Valley’s #1 Newspaper
WILL BE COVERING THE EVENT! DRESS UP!!!

1ST & 3RD THURSDAY OF EVERY MONTH
@ 399 S. 1ST STREET AGENDA LOUNGE
DOWNTOWN SAN JOSE CA.
FIRST AND ONLY 18+
ELECTRO DANCE PARTY
in the SOUTH BAY!

9PM UNTIL 2AM!!!

$5 before 10pm!
$10 for 18+
5 for 21+

We’re weird, crazy, straight, gay, cute, ugly, drunk, artsy,
stylish and always fun! Always!
Nobody sleeps when we’re awake!!!

PLEASE DO GET FUCKED UP IN THE PARKING LOT!!!

DRESS CODE: OVER THE TOP!!! We dig that!
Think Glam Rock and Party Monster…

VISIT FOR ALL INFORMATION:
WWW.WASTELANDPARTYSJ.COM

Help Pass this on!!!

xoxo
Wasteland Party SJ

RSVP  TO THIS EVENT ON FACEBOOK!