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xoxo
eric

 

 

Today I was awoken by a phone call from my friend Jonathon.

“Hey Bryan, you want to get something to eat at Las Delicias (a great Mexican place nearby) and then go with me to get a dildo for my girlfriend?”

I replied, “Yes.  Yes, I would like to do that.”  Spending a Saturday afternoon shopping for colored plastic penises is simply an offer I cannot refuse.

Just for some back story Jonathon’s girlfriend lives across the country.  He visited her last weekend, but was quite disappointed after 10 minutes of fornication in which she came twice, she told him, I can’t go anymore, I’m too sore.  Now as happy as Jonathon was that his schlong was so massive and adept that his own girlfriend couldn’t take his skillful lovemaking, he was saddened by the fact that she refused sex for the next two days because she was so sore.  (Or at least that’s what she told him)

Now Jonathon asked me to go with him to get his girlfriend a dildo because he believes that by sending her a dildo (that is slightly smaller in both length and girth than his own penis), she can ‘practice’ and thus prepare herself for their next wild fornication.

So we drive to our local sex shop, Fun Zone, which I have been to on numerous occasions.  Past experiences at the Fun Zone have been to help my two lesbian friends find a good dildo for them to have sex with…Now that I think about it, people generally like to consult me before buying penis related objects.

Great.

So we walk into the shop, which houses the usual assortments of Boobie Jelly, glow in the dark condoms, pocket pussies, an array of pornographic films so large and disgusting it would make Larry Flynt feel uncomfortable, cock rings, and good old dildos.  The whole back wall is filled with silicone penis shaped objects ranging from, the mini-cock which looks like an Asian girl’s pinkie finger, all the way to the Rambo, which is about as wide and long as Mike Tyson’s thigh muscle.

There are truly some frightening dildos in there.  People should just get the Rambo, hang it from their pants, and use that as their Halloween costume.  Most women would probably be mortified, but there would be those select few that would give you a double take and the sexy bat of an eyelash.

So Jonathon and I are looking at the dildos and he finally decides on a cylindrical  6″ blue vibrator.  He could have chose the horribly offensive, Mulatto, a gigantic ebony wiener with a Caucasian tip, but he haaddd to go with something sleek and compact.  Where’s his sense of adventure?  I suppose his girlfriend could fantasize that her new blue vibrator is actually the throbbing cock of Papa Smurf.

Hey, whatever floats your boat.

Jonathon goes to buy the vibrator as I peruse the birthday card section, in which all the models on the cards look like they are from 1984.  I guess sex shops are stuck in the past.  As we are leaving I notice that Jonathon has a bit of an uncomfortable look on his face.  He confides that the man behind the counter, a gentleman in his mid 50’s, with a graying beard and who looked perfectly suited to be working at store that sold nipple clips, opened up the vibrator, put in two AA batteries, turned it on, and then placed the vibrating object onto Jonathon’s hand.

Jonathon looked at him incredulously and asked politely, “Um, what are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m just making sure it works,” the man chortled in a whispery tone.

According to Jonathon, the man maintained contact between the dildo and his hand, until Jonathon replied uncomfortably, “ummm, yeah it works, can you please stop that?”

What can you really expect when you go into a sex store to buy a dildo?  C’mon, you have to have an encounter with at least one creepy guy or it’s not a successful trip.

I sincerely hope that Jonathon’s relationship is aided with the addition of a new vibrating Smurf penis.  But I’m not one for relationship counseling.  Apparently, I’m only good for advice on dildos.

Christopher Husary is a one of the best young, up and coming Photographers in the San Jose Bay Area; Wasteland was lucky enough to have him document our night with Guest DJ Richie Panic, it was an amazing Party to say the least!

See for yourself…

 

 

SEE MORE OF CHRISTOPHER’S WORK @
facebook.com/christopher.husary
and
flickr.com/photos/cphotography2010/sets/

xoxo
eric

OCT 21ST is our next WASTELAND PARTY!!!
With BULIMIATRON!

xoxo
eric

I worked this week with my good friend, Ben Shepherd, a phenomenal bass player and  Indian kiwi-sexual to make a new funny cello lessons video.  Ben is truly a god on the bass, so I just enjoy taking my shirt off and working with him any chance I get.  The focus of this video is how to play together in a duo and the latent homosexuality that exists in any all male music group.  Enjoy!  youtube.com/watch?v=GtttLSERu9c

IN ORDER TO WIN: “@wasteland” us on Facebook with a great caption that will best describe this Thursday and the madness that will take place! Best one wins! You get in for FREE with a PLUS ONE, as a thanks for being an awesome Wastelander! We love you guys!

Make it fun! Go crazy!

CONTEST ENDS WED. NIGHT!

xoxo
Wasteland Crew

Wack Ass Glasses

I am not a fashion person.  To put things in perspective, my colorblind friend has an easier time color coordinating outfits than I do.  That being said, I have absolutely no authority over what is cool nowadays, but I do know what things make you look like a big gay douche.

So why the fuck do people think it’s cool to wear those dorky ass looking glasses nowadays?  You know the ones, the Wayfarer type.  And I’m not even bitching so much about the sunglasses.  Go ahead, look like you’re on your way to a party to do ten lines of coke while tweaking out to “All Night Long” by Lionel Ritchie, go be cool!

What really gets me is the people who get those Wayfarer types as regular glasses.  Why would you do that to yourself?

I’ll give you an example.  An attractive black girl I know picked up a pair of those glasses in order to in her opinion, make her look cute, and in my opinion, absolutely shit on her natural beauty.  But it’s her choice, I’m just here to complain about it.

But what really got me was the fact that they weren’t sunglasses.  They were an imitation of real glasses, only the lenses were just see-through pieces of plastic.

Now let me tell you why this really offends me.  My eyesight is slightly better than a fruitbat’s.  Though I can see, I also rely on echolocation for most of my daily movement.  So when I was in preschool (yes fucking preschool!) my mother made me go to the eye doctor where I was fitted for glasses and tortured every Saturday for years to do horrific eye training exercises at the doctor’s office.

The only types of glasses that were available to someone with eyesight as shitty as mine were along the lines of those douchey looking Wayfarers.  The glasses were enormous, taking up about 50% of my entire face.  I had to go from preschool all the way through 9th grade with these huge ass coke bottle glasses, which magnified my eyes to the size of cantaloupes.   When my 8th grade science teacher was explaining the parts of the eye, she refrained from using a plastic model of the eyeball and instead made me stand in front of the class, pointing at my gigantic eyeballs with her yardstick.

So I had to go my whole childhood with glasses like that, constantly wondering to myself, “Why do I have to look like Froggy from the Little Rascals?”

Don’t be Froggy from the Little Rascals.  Just be your damn self.

Disco Host with DJ Q. PICTURES!

(Click the picture)

CHECK OUT PICTURES FROM THIS WASTELAND PARTY!

AMAZING NIGHT! LOOK AT ALL THAT SWEAT IN THE PICS!

Photos taken by Eric Belladonna.

GET THE LOWDOWN ON WASTELAND WITH ERIC BELLADONNA

“Since January of 2010, Wasterlanders have been rockin’ out to electrifying DJs and partying with this extravagantly glamorous San Jose native. Here at Art Faccia, he gives us the lowdown on WASTELAND’s grand opening at its new location”
-ARTFACCIA

CLICK THE PICTURE for the entire ARTICLE!

WASTELAND IS NO LONGER THE LITTLE PARTY THAT COULD! WE ARE MAJOR! Get excited Wastelanders! We are moving into our new monster size home at THE AGENDA LOUNGE Downtown San Jose!!! WASTELAND is only getting BIGGER and BETTER!!! Shit is getting serious! and to celebrate our grand re-opening party we brought the incredible RICHIE “MOTHER FUCKING” PANIC!!! With that said, lets get retarded!
GUEST DJ: RICHIE PANIC!!! (Blow Up Sf, Wanted!)

Richie is not only the sexiest man on earth but the most bonerific DJ in it! He will not only leave you deaf and dumb at the end of his DJ set but he’ll also leave you pregnant. But it’s ok, he’ll pay child support ; ) Come witness this mad man at work! It’s pure magic.

RESIDENT DJS: DJSTINKYLOVE and SHINES LIKE GOLD

AND FT. DJS: LOCK UP YOUR SISTERS

HOST AND PHOTOGRAPHER : ERIC BELLADONNA

FASHION PHOTOGRAPHY: HELIUM MAGAZINE (SJHELIUM.COM)

Helium Magazine is taking pictures of the BEST DRESSED @ our next wasteland…Dress to express and impress!!! Be crazy, be creative! be YOU!!! Helium Magazine loves that!!!
GUEST HOST:
SEXY VERONICA, MARTIN, AJ and JESUS!

GUEST PHOTOGRAPHER: Christopher Husary

flickr.com/photos/cphotography2010/sets/

1ST & 3RD THURSDAY OF EVERY MONTH
@ 399 S. 1ST STREET AGENDA LOUNGE
DOWNTOWN SAN JOSE CA.
FIRST AND ONLY 18+
ELECTRO DANCE PARTY
in the SOUTH BAY!

9PM UNTIL 2AM!!!

$5 before 10pm!
$10 for 18+
5 for 21+

xoxo eric belladonna