Tag Archive: gay

Today is Halloween, so I decided to do a Funny Cello Lessons video honoring the only holiday where normal god fearing Catholic girls get to dress like $15 dollar a pop blow job whores, and feel good about themselves while eating Snickers bars.  I was bartending this past Friday at the CalArts Halloween party, which is a humongous homoerotic ecstasy driven love fest and I was inspired to do a video in my get up.

My outfit?

A gay Mexican.

I dressed all in clothes from my gay friend Andrew, who weighs about half of what I do.  I had on a sombrero, a multicolred woman’s jacket, and short shorts so tight and small that not only could you see the outline of my dick and balls perfectly, but I’m pretty certain I’ll never be able to procreate after wearing those for 8 hours.  (This is not necessarily a bad thing).
Anyway, enjoy the video and learn some cello! 


Wack Ass Glasses

I am not a fashion person.  To put things in perspective, my colorblind friend has an easier time color coordinating outfits than I do.  That being said, I have absolutely no authority over what is cool nowadays, but I do know what things make you look like a big gay douche.

So why the fuck do people think it’s cool to wear those dorky ass looking glasses nowadays?  You know the ones, the Wayfarer type.  And I’m not even bitching so much about the sunglasses.  Go ahead, look like you’re on your way to a party to do ten lines of coke while tweaking out to “All Night Long” by Lionel Ritchie, go be cool!

What really gets me is the people who get those Wayfarer types as regular glasses.  Why would you do that to yourself?

I’ll give you an example.  An attractive black girl I know picked up a pair of those glasses in order to in her opinion, make her look cute, and in my opinion, absolutely shit on her natural beauty.  But it’s her choice, I’m just here to complain about it.

But what really got me was the fact that they weren’t sunglasses.  They were an imitation of real glasses, only the lenses were just see-through pieces of plastic.

Now let me tell you why this really offends me.  My eyesight is slightly better than a fruitbat’s.  Though I can see, I also rely on echolocation for most of my daily movement.  So when I was in preschool (yes fucking preschool!) my mother made me go to the eye doctor where I was fitted for glasses and tortured every Saturday for years to do horrific eye training exercises at the doctor’s office.

The only types of glasses that were available to someone with eyesight as shitty as mine were along the lines of those douchey looking Wayfarers.  The glasses were enormous, taking up about 50% of my entire face.  I had to go from preschool all the way through 9th grade with these huge ass coke bottle glasses, which magnified my eyes to the size of cantaloupes.   When my 8th grade science teacher was explaining the parts of the eye, she refrained from using a plastic model of the eyeball and instead made me stand in front of the class, pointing at my gigantic eyeballs with her yardstick.

So I had to go my whole childhood with glasses like that, constantly wondering to myself, “Why do I have to look like Froggy from the Little Rascals?”

Don’t be Froggy from the Little Rascals.  Just be your damn self.